Da Bears Still Suck

“Hey Lola. Why don’t you whisper ‘Da Bears Still Suck’ in Wenzel’s ear?”
 
(For those of you not in the know, Wenzel is the drummer and the last remaining original member of the Happy Schnapps Combo, a local Wisconsin polka and party ensemble who sing in glorious Wisconsinese. Also, da bears in question are the Chicago Bears, a local football team from south of the Wisconsin border.)



“No, really. It’s okay. He’s not going to bite you.”

“Would you like me to say it instead?”

“Psst…, Wenzel, my daughter thinks da bears still suck.”

“High five, sister!” 

Karmic Payback

When I was ten years old, we moved to The Hague, into a large town house where my sister and I each had our own room. I don't recall ever adorning my door with anything, but I know my sister did. She always had a poster hanging on her door.

I remember this so clearly because I used to rip her posters when I was angry at her. Not full on tearing and trashing, I didn't have the guts to do that, but tiny little tears along the edges of the poster. Just to make a point, albeit a very sad and pathetic one.

Fast forward three decades. I walked into my craft room yesterday where I have a project laid out that I am currently working on. It consists of six felt squares with appliques. Some squares are cut from craft felt and some from hand died, rather expensive, imported all the way from Holland, one hundred percent wool felt.

In one of the cheaper felt squares I noticed a few small cuts along the edge. I was pretty sure the felt was whole when I cut my squares. I suspected Lola or her friend B. accidentally cut the felt when they were cutting up some paper.

I was wrong. As it turns out it was not an accident. My daughter fessed up to cutting the felt on purpose. She was "just so mad" at me. Not that she knew why she was mad, she just remembered she was. And to make her point, she cut my felt. Like her mother, she did not have the guts to really go for it and cut the good stuff, so she went for the cheap felt instead. A wise choice.

Naturally she was reprimanded for this little stunt and threatened with eternal banishment from the craft room (a fate worse than death in our house) if she ever pulled something like this again. But I had a very hard time actually being angry with her.

As I was talking with her, I was chewing the inside of my cheek, trying to suppress a smile. I could not believe she did the exact same thing I did as a child. And all the while I could hear my sister laughing in the back of my head.

Karma is a b*tch. So is payback.

Mother's Day Surprise

When I was in grade school, we memorized poems for Mother's and Father's Day. And I also remember doing special crafts like making a hyacinth by taking a toilet paper tube, painting it, and gluing scrunched up pieces of tissue paper onto it. Come Sunday morning my sister and I would run into my parents' bedroom and recite our poetry and give our gifts.

When Lola returned from school this afternoon, she gave me my Mother's Day gift right away. It was a baby zinnia which she planted herself a few weeks ago at school. Naturally, we could not let the little plant sit in a brown paper bag for three days. While she was at it, she also gave me this:

Happy Mother's Day! I'll be relaxing with my blanket and some tea.

Second Opinion

It's Tuesday and Lola does not have school today. As we are sitting in the kitchen, leisurely enjoying our breakfast, she excitedly points out the window.

"Look, look, look!"

I look. All I see is Sandman, the cat, at the edge of our yard. So does she. She thought it was a bunny.

She asks me if bunnies can walk, getting on all fours to demonstrate her meaning. I tell her no, bunnies can only hop.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"I'll ask Mrs. L. tomorrow, see what she says." Clearly she is not convinced I am right about this one.

Slowly but surely I am falling off my 'Mom Knows Everything' pedestal...

What You Get...

... When you leave your camera unattended:

Eavesdropping

I just picked up the following conversation between Lola and her friend B. They are playing in her room. I am in the next room, trying to put together a shopping list. It's not so easy anymore to capture the funny stuff she says because she talks a mile a minute now. But she still cracks me up.

“Guess what? My grandma wants me to stay little forever.”

“Why?”

“Because I am just so cute.”

“So she wants you to be little?”

“Yes. But I just keep growing.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do.”

“But I am still taller than you.”

“That’s because I am growing s-l-o-w-l-y …”

Crush

Lola: "I have a big crush on K." (K. is a friend and co-worker of Ryan.)

Ryan: "Oh, do you?"

Lola: "What's a crush?"

Ryan: "It's when you have romantic feelings for someone whom you want to kiss."

Lola: "Okay." Evidently that is what she meant.

K. explained to Lola how they could just be very good friends since he was not only married but a lot older as well. And then we talked a little about etiquette. About how it's not polite to hit on married people.

Also, don't fart.

Misfit

Miss Lola is crying very hard. In between sobs she laments: "Why am I such a misfit? I'm just a couple of misfits." It's really quite dramatic. And incredibly funny but I can't laugh because her tears are real. It doesn't matter what I say to her, she won't stop quoting Rudolph as she throws herself onto my bed and wails.

And our day started off so lovely. Lola and I were having a great time together, painting salt dough ornaments we had baked earlier and sprucing them up with lots of glitter. Everything was fine and then I left the room. I was only gone for two seconds, maybe three, I swear. Upon my return I walked right into the Great Glitter Explosion of 2011.

Oh goodie.

When I asked her what happened, Lola answered she spilled just a little bit and must have had some on her feet when she walked to her room. Indeed, there was a great big pile of glitter on the floor with two size 9 1/2 footprints in the middle of it. I could trace her steps all over the upstairs.

So for the second time that day I hauled the bulky, heavy, pain-in-the-butt vacuum cleaner up the stairs. (Why, my good Americans, why do you insist on using these outdated appliances? Don't you know there's a whole continent out there that uses lightweight, easy to handle vacuums with a retractable cord to boot?)

After I cleaned the mess in my room, I asked Lola to pick up her room. Imagine my surprise when I turned around fifteen minutes later and found she had carried all her toys downstairs instead of putting them away. I was just struggling with the impossible task of slicing a fresh baked loaf of bread and I may have lost my patience there for a minute.

Hence the misfit. At least she sparkles.

Can I Get A Witness?

Lola has informed me that when she turns sixteen, she does not want to drive. I can drive her around because, and I quote: "You are the best driver in the world!" Ryan can drive her around, too. She would however, like to sit in a different seat than the baby seat by then.

We can do that.

I feel it is important to document this. When she and I revisit this topic in twelve years (that seems such a short time from now) I can remind her that all we agreed on was a better booster seat. No license, let alone borrowing the car. You are all my witnesses.

Too Close For Comfort

A Cow Girl she is not (yet)

Trickster

Lola was cutting up a storm yesterday afternoon. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me she was cutting up fake food for Sandman. She was going to set out a bowl filled with her paper snippets and wait for him to go: "Hey! What is this?"

I am pretty sure that is exactly what he was saying when I heard him meow at four o'clock in the morning.

Toddler Talk V

Lola: "Can I take a bath? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease."
Me: "No honey, you already took a bath this morning."
Lola: "But I did three push ups!"

Lola: "I love you. You are the best mom in the whole world! You can make computers, you can make houses, you can maaaaaake............ snacks."
Me: "Um..., thanks!"

Lola, wearing new purple and pink swim goggles: "When I wear my swim goggles, are my cousins gonna think I look silly?"

Lola: "Mama, you know what? You are my favorite girl."

Lola: "Mama. When it's spring time day, the green ones... that talk..., what are they called again?"
Me: "Um..., frogs? Leprechauns?"
Lola: "Yes, leprechauns! They make the snow go away."

Lola: "Let's play I am the mom and you are the honey."

Lola: "My hand hurts."
Me: "What's wrong with it?"
Lola: "It hurts when I go like this." [Pushes her fingers backwards towards her wrist.]
Me: "Well, don't do that then."
Lola: "I am having a rough day."

Nativity set = Activity set
Co-workers = Work friends

Toddler Talk IV

Having a three year old is like having a talking dog. It is just funny. (Heard on the Bob & Tom Show one morning on the radio). I agree, it is.

"I used to be a grandma but now I'm a mom. I was short like a grandma, but then I grew bigger and now I'm a mom. And when I get even bigger, I am going to be a big sister!"

Lola: "I would like to fly an airplane."
Me: "Well, when you get bigger, you could learn how."
Lola: "But I would miss you!"
Me: "But you would come back to me, after you're done flying."
Lola, softly: "But I don't know how to find my home."

Lola: "Remember? When you were a little baby, and I was your mom? Remember?"
Me: "Ummm..."

Lola: "I'm going to draw a picture of papa."
Me: "That's a great idea, he'll love that."
Lola: "But I am not going to give him a pagina." (That is not a typo.)
Me: "Of course not. Boys don't have vaginas."
Lola: "Oh. No, I mean a penis. I don't like penises."

Toddler Talk III

I have a funny child, I could record her all day. Here are some highlights of the past months.

After Ryan told her it was our anniversary, that we had gotten married four years ago, she looked at me and exclaimed: "You got married?!?"

And later to her grandmother: "Mom got married!"

At daycare during a nature walk, outfitted with little magnifying glasses: "Connie, I think we have a mystery here..."

"I am so frustrated, I am going to turn into a monster!" And no, we have not been watching The Incredible Hulk. She was just demonstrating she learned a new word that day. Everything was frustrating to her.

There is a lot of talk about bugs going around at the moment. People are calling in sick left and right. Lola knows why: "If you eat a bug, you get sick."

"Row, row, row your boat. Gently down the stream. Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary. Like a spider's dream."

It is almost time for bed and Lola will do anything to avoid having to go to bed. We're discussing the messes in our rooms. I suggest we clean up this weekend. "How about you clean your room tomorrow and I clean my room today. But maybe you need some help with the little things. You know who could help you?" Big smile, pointing at herself. "But only if you listen to me. Do you promise to listen to me?"

Back Seat Entertainment

Source

"I'm a Big Bad Chicken.
I sleep down town,
and I go Boom Boom."

I have no clue as to the origins of Lola's Chicken Rap, brought to me from the back seat of the car this afternoon. It could be her vivid imagination, something seen on the television, or a combination of both. But I laughed all the way home.

Toddler Talk Continued

My child is a constant source of amusement these days. Here are a few more Lola Classics for you...

As I sit on the toilet, asking her to please close the door:
"So no-one can see your big butt?"

On her new found love for speech therapy:
"Do you want to play speech with me?"

In the water, with a big fat grin on her face:
"I don't want to drown (i.e. her head under water), I'm gonna die!"

When we talked on the phone the night before she returned from a visit to her cousins in Milwaukee:
"Mom, I told you, I always come back."

Pointing at my forehead:
"If a mosquito bites you there, you let me know. I will smack him for you." 

She made cute little cards for friends and family, so I asked her if she had any ideas for Christmas cards (wanting to stay ahead of the game):
"Yes. Let's send them to everybody..." 
Good thinking.

At randon moments:
"Man, oh man..."

When we are playing 'Hide & Seek':
"I am going to hide in the bathroom and you have to find me."

You Know, Samwich

There are some beautiful toadstools and other mushrooms sprouting up around the house. Lola and I like to take a little walk every evening and check on their progress. Yesterday we looked at one growing smack in the middle of the path.

"It looks like a samwich," Lola said to me.

"A sandwich?" I asked, emphasizing the sand part.

"No, a SAMwich!, she said. I wasn't sure what she meant. The mushroom in question did not resemble a sandwich at all. At least, not in my eyes. When I looked at her non-plussed, she put on her thinking face. You could tell she was pondering ways to explain to me what she meant.

"You know, a samwich, that goes under the bologna."

Aha! She did mean a sandwich. We were just disagreeing about the correct pronunciation.

"Oh, a samwich," I said. Lola nodded happily, pleased I finally got it.

I still don't see it though...

The World According To Lola

"Once upon a time there was Hanneke and Ryan. And Grandma Judy. And......, Grandpa Jim. They were all living together with my grandparents. And they ate dinner.

And they lived happily ever after."

Just Checking...

Lola fell off her tricycle yesterday evening and scraped her elbow, barely missing the puddle. It was just a little scratch, no major injury. She didn't even cry. There was no blood, and thus no bam bam (band aid) was needed. All it took was a kiss from her mother.

While we were in the bathroom, she decided she needed more sympathy and announced to me she was going to show Grandma Judy her elbow. As she walked out, she turned around, pointed to her elbow and asked: "Mom, is this my elbow?"

Knock, Knock

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana, who?"

"Banana orange! Ha ha ha ha ha..."

It is Lola's first joke and she cannot get enough of telling it. She thinks it's hilarious. So do I. It is not so much the joke itself though, it is the delivery that does it for me. It is a good thing we are related and share a silly sense of humor, because I have a feeling this is the first of many, many Knock, knock jokes...